What's in the News

 My lovely Jeannie was going through some old e-mails and came across these old headlines I had sent her several years ago (2005)...which are still worth sharing....I actually have no idea where I found these, or who I should be giving credit for their organization, but thanks... and if you have some from more current news, send them in....

These are Actual Headlines..

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]


Some seem very (obviously) logical...

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]



If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]


Others seem like revolutionary improvements.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

Local High School
Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

And some are just....???? strange

Hospitals are Sued
by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger
Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Dave L. Renfro wrote to add...

I'm coming back to this entry of yours 6 weeks after you made it because this morning I read something in the "USA Today" newspaper ["But what if college just isn't for everyone?" by Mary Beth Marklein, pp. 1A-2A, 16 March 2010] that belongs with your other examples. At one point in the article (beginning of 3rd column on p. 2A) is the following (quotes in original):

"It's fine for most kids to go to college, of course, (but) it is not obvious to me that that is the best option for the majority," says Mike Gould, founder of New Futures, as Washington, D.C.-based organization that provides . . .

To be fair, this may have been a spoken comment, so it may not have been something Mike Gould had an opportunity to fix by later editing, an excuse that doesn't apply to the example you posted.